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Friday, January 18, 2013

I Want To Be A Runner

Happy Frizziday rockstars!  I'm totally geeked to have made it through another week {and not just because it's payday}.  I'm pumped to witness the keek rap-off between Mel and Kimmy.  These two crack me up!  I love that they bust out the old school rap.  And... you never know when I'll bust out a rap of my own.  

Now, down to business.... why do I write this blog.  Truthfully, I have NO idea.  All that was highlighted the other day when I wrote this post.  I had ONE person comment {Thanks, Kimmy, you totally made my day, seriously.}  So why do I bother. I guess it's still what it was when I started.  My outlet for writing how I felt when R was gone.  Sometimes though, I am afraid to write what I truly want to.  I know, I know, this is my corner of the internet.  However, I don't want to offend anyone with what I write.  Yes, if people don't like it, they don't have to read it.  That's just easier said than done - for me at least.

It's like standing in the bathroom in my birthday suit, looking in the mirror, and liking what I see.  It ain't happenin'.  I'm working on liking what I see, but for me, it's not easy.  I have never loved the way my body looks.  I've been hitting the gym more regularly and incorporating more weights into my routine to "firm things up."  I'm sticking with it, even though I find lifting to be incredibly boring.   I know it takes time - I just wish my body would change faster.  Truthfully, I'm not sure I will ever look in the mirror and be able to think, "Dang, I look good."   I have never been an overly large person.  Yes, I hit a point of chubbiness that lead me to Weight Watchers for a while, but I am not one of those girls with a 30, 40, 50 or more pound weight loss story.  I am just an average person who works out because I would love more than anything to stand in front of a mirror and think, "Hey, not too bad." 

I would LOVE to meet so many of the ladies whose blogs I stalk daily.  I have fears about that though. My biggest fear is meeting one of them, having them look at me and think, "YOU run?  You certainly don't look like a runner."  Do I consider myself a runner... No, I don't. I have been running for about two years and don't consider myself a runner.  Maybe because my normal run is about three and a half miles and {in my mind} I don't feel like that is long enough to be a true runner.  Maybe it's because I have only done one 5K race.  Maybe it's because I get to 4 or 4.5 miles and my body {read: brain} tells me I "can't" go any farther.  I don't know, but I don't consider myself to be a runner.  

I want to be a runner. 

I just went this past Tuesday and got fitted for the proper running shoes for my running style and feet.  Talk about intimidating.  The entire time I was in there, I felt like the store employees looked at me with thoughts that I've probably never ran a mile in my life.  All of the employees had long, super skinny legs -- and there I was with my short tree trunks.   Yes, I know, God made me the way I am - and don't get me wrong, I am VERY grateful for the ability to run.  I just wish I was one of those people who could look in the mirror and like what they see.  

I'm going to adopt Mama Laughlin's motto of "Progress, Not Perfection."  Maybe someday I'll get to the point of liking my birthday suit.  I'm just hoping that day comes sooner than later -- age isn't on my side anymore.  Darn you, Father Time.


  1. Oh girl, this post struck a chord with me. You talked about not feeling like a real runner, and I have felt that way (and most of the time still do) and I'm halfway through training for a freakin half marathon. I often wonder if I will ever feel like a real runner. The fact of the matter is, as my girlcrush Jillian Michael's says, if you run, you are a runner. Whether it be a quater of a mile or a marathon. I don't know why the title causes such crazy head games, but I'm with ya on that. In the very beginning, I wouldn't even tell people I ran in fear of them not believing me. I thought they'd think I was too big to be a runner. Who cares what they think though!

    The first step you made was choosing to run. Second step was getting fitted for shoes. I can assure you those employees have seen people who haven't even walked for exercise a day in their life. One day, you'll have that breakthrough run that we all have, where the heavens will open and you'll have a hot mess moment where tears run down your face because you realize a few months ago, your body could've never done what it's done now. I promise you. And I cannot wait to read about it!

  2. I LOVE this post Ashley. I feel the same way - I am not your 30 mile runner - I ran 1 half - whooo who.. I feel like when I tell people I run - they are like "okay big booty hoe".. LOL.. BUT... I love to run and I am going to keep doing it. I might NEVER run a mega race (however I will run 1 marathon if I die doing it) but I love the way running feels.

    I struggle with my body image - terribly. I look in the mirror and want to puke - like WTH happened to me? Ugh... I appreciate your post on this - I have the exact same feeling.

    Also you are right - I probably don't post half the stuff I would REALLY say for fear of hurting others. AND that is okay... I DON'T want to hurt others - and I am okay with that...

    I love ya girl..

  3. I absolutely LOVE your personality! So you can always just send me a private email with what you REALLY want to say HA!!!!

    I went through my list and deleted a BUNHC of blogs last night because somehow your blog kept getting buried with giveaways and reviews. I love blogging and all that it stands for but I also want to really connect with REAL people.

    I am not even GOING there with my body imaged I am TWISTED.... intro some Keith Sweat...

  4. Girl, you cray! No one who just meets me think 'oh this girl is a runner!' I'd love to hang out (and drink) with you!!