It's Time To Get Real

Are you ready? Because it's about to get real......

 Back in November I stepped on the scale in my bathroom and saw a number I had never seen. I was so disgusted with myself. I was half a pound away from a completely new ten's digit. I wanted to cry. I went to school that morning, got on my computer and quickly research local Weight Watchers meeting locations. I know myself well enough to know if I didn't go that night, I wasn't going to go at all. So that's what I did. I found a meeting location (not close to my house because Heaven forbid I see someone I knew - they would know I was fat!) and secretly drove myself.

 For the first 3 weeks no one knew what I was doing on Monday nights. Each week I would tell R that I was going to run errands with my Mom. I was so embarrassed that I had allowed myself to get so big. Well, let me tell you... I had FABULOUS motivation and determination -- for the first three weeks. In that time I lost the first 9.5 pounds I needed to get back to the 0 of the current ten's group I was in. Then it stopped. I would lose a pound here, gain an pound (or two) there, lose .8.... but nothing significant enough for me to see any more change. And that's where I've been ever since.

 I'm stuck.

 A new school year has started and I have not reached my goal. I didn't necessarily need to be at my ultimate goal by the start of school, but I wanted to have lost enough weight for others to see the progress.... nope. Here I sit still the same. Again, I am so disgusted with myself. I need renewed motivation and determination to get these last 7 pounds off. I need to get back into the groove of running and eating well.

 I need motivation.

 I did some research this morning on clean eating and I think we're going to try it (yes, we... R gets to do it as well, by default). I'm nervous, but I need to do this for me. I don't feel good about myself and in turn it's starting to affect the way I carry myself around others. I am self conscious, even around R, my own husband! I need things to change. I want to feel good when I look at myself in the mirror. I follow the blog of a lady who is on her own weight loss journey (you can follow her here).  She is a hilarious person who I would LOVE to meet in person someday.  She has become my motivation.

 Like I said, it's getting real. Sorry if any of this was TMI, but hey, you made the choice to read it. This is my little world and I'm going to document this journey. Go with me, or not, that's up to you. 

More to come......