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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

One Week Down!

Ross left one week ago today. This week has been full of ups and downs. My feelings come and go... the desire to cry comes and goes... the desire to hang out with friends comes and goes. This has been hard, there is no doubt about it. But I have to keep pressing on. Just seven more Mondays then I get to see Ross! I cannot wait!

Last night, Reed, Ryan, and I went to the Komets game. It was game two of the Turner Cup Finals. I was able to get us seats in row 6 and was really excited about... Until we got there and discovered they were at the wrong end. We were at the end where the Komets shoot once, as opposed to the end where the Komets shoot twice. Oh well. We had good seats and a great view of our end of the ice.

As we sat there watching the game, and cheering for the Komets (who won and are up 2-0 in the series), I found myself not thinking so much about the fact that Ross is gone. Sure, I thought about him a lot, but it did not consume me. There were a few time when the thought of Ross would pop into my mind and I would think to myself, "Huh... I'm having fun." Part of me was thrilled to be out having a good time, but part of me felt guilty for having fun without Ross. I know he wants me to go to hockey games and do things I enjoy, but I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for having fun.

I think as time goes on, I will begin feeling less and less guilty for going out and having fun. Like I said, I know Ross wants me to do things I enjoy. I can only imagine the disappointment he would have if, when he got home, he discovered I did not allow myself to have fun. I need to keep that in mind and allow myself to go be with friends and to do fun things.

50 days...

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