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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Deployment Day

I am not an overly private person, however, posting a blog from my personal journal is not something I have ever done... until tonight. Today was, hands down, the hardest day I have had to face. When I got home tonight I sat down and started writing in my journal. Below you will find the entry:

"Deployment day. I know with each passing day this will get easier, but right now it does not feel that way. I want to cry. I want to break down and have a good, hard cry. Sure, there have been tears, but I want that good, hard cry to get it all out. I feel like I can't though. Ross can't cry where he is, so I feel like I shouldn't here. Ross has to be strong so I feel like I should be too.

56 days.

I can do this. I have an awesome family and incredible friends. I can do this.

I have an outlet. Running and writing will be my outlet. San Antonio is 1,304 miles away. I will run to Ross (with my conversion). I will run 163 miles before I see Ross in 56 days. I will write, to Ross and in my journal. I will write my thoughts and my feelings. I will take my journal with me everywhere I go so I can write as it comes.

I will be thankful. Thankful for Reed who is living with me. Thankful that I am not alone. I will be thankful for my Mom, Dad, and Brother who would drop everything to be with me and support me. I will be thankful for Bill and Marti who will also be part of my support team. I will be thankful for friends who will keep me busy. I AM thankful for a faithful and loving God who will NEVER give me more than I can handle. I am thankful for Fenway who, although he has eaten cords, drywall, baseboards, toilet paper, and (recently) carpet, will be my buddy and companion. Mostly, I am thankful for a husband who is so willing to serve when others are not. I am thankful for his courage and dedication to our country and his willingness to be and American Airman.

But, today, I miss him. 56 days."

So, there it is. That's exactly how I feel.

I'm off to bed soon. Tomorrow brings a day at school with what I'm sure will be a lot of questions to answer. I also plan to start my "Run to Texas". More to come...


  1. Good post, Dolly. You and Ross are both constantly in our thoughts and prayers. I wonder and suspect that years from now when you two look back that this time will rise to the top as one of the most meaningful times of your marriage. Be strong and courageous. -mom

  2. Did you run all those miles? What a great idea!