Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I am not an overly private person, however, posting a blog from my personal journal is not something I have ever done... until tonight. Today was, hands down, the hardest day I have had to face. When I got home tonight I sat down and started writing in my journal. Below you will find the entry:
"Deployment day. I know with each passing day this will get easier, but right now it does not feel that way. I want to cry. I want to break down and have a good, hard cry. Sure, there have been tears, but I want that good, hard cry to get it all out. I feel like I can't though. Ross can't cry where he is, so I feel like I shouldn't here. Ross has to be strong so I feel like I should be too.
I can do this. I have an awesome family and incredible friends. I can do this.
I have an outlet. Running and writing will be my outlet. San Antonio is 1,304 miles away. I will run to Ross (with my conversion). I will run 163 miles before I see Ross in 56 days. I will write, to Ross and in my journal. I will write my thoughts and my feelings. I will take my journal with me everywhere I go so I can write as it comes.
I will be thankful. Thankful for Reed who is living with me. Thankful that I am not alone. I will be thankful for my Mom, Dad, and Brother who would drop everything to be with me and support me. I will be thankful for Bill and Marti who will also be part of my support team. I will be thankful for friends who will keep me busy. I AM thankful for a faithful and loving God who will NEVER give me more than I can handle. I am thankful for Fenway who, although he has eaten cords, drywall, baseboards, toilet paper, and (recently) carpet, will be my buddy and companion. Mostly, I am thankful for a husband who is so willing to serve when others are not. I am thankful for his courage and dedication to our country and his willingness to be and American Airman.
But, today, I miss him. 56 days."
So, there it is. That's exactly how I feel.
I'm off to bed soon. Tomorrow brings a day at school with what I'm sure will be a lot of questions to answer. I also plan to start my "Run to Texas". More to come...