Small Successes

Yesterday was weigh in day.  I was convinced that when I got to my WW meeting and stepped on the scale I would see the same number I had been seeing for WEEKS!  I even mildly tried to sabotage myself by running before my weight in.  I ALWAYS weigh more just after working out.  I called my husband and told him what I was doing.  He tried to discourage me and talk me out of it, but being the fabulous wife I am, I didn't listen.  :)  So, just a short two mile run later, I went home, changed clothes, and left for WW.

When I got there I stepped on the scale.  My thought was that I would be okay with a gain, because I know in the long run, I'm doing good by running.  What I saw amazed me!  I was down 1.2 pounds!  AMAZE-BALLS!  Not only did that drop me into the next tens group, but it's also the biggest loss I have had since MAY! I cannot tell you how excited I was!  DOUBLE AMAZE-BALLS!!  This loss puts me at 10 pounds total!

My motivation is back!

Today I brought clothes to run in after school.  This is Back To School night so I won't get home until 7ish, but I can leave school at 4 and the town where my school is has awesome sidewalks and is great for running! So, I have two options...I can either run right after school before Back To School night, or I'll hit the gym on my way home.  Either way... I WILL run!!!

More to come.....

It's Time To Get Real

Are you ready? Because it's about to get real......

 Back in November I stepped on the scale in my bathroom and saw a number I had never seen. I was so disgusted with myself. I was half a pound away from a completely new ten's digit. I wanted to cry. I went to school that morning, got on my computer and quickly research local Weight Watchers meeting locations. I know myself well enough to know if I didn't go that night, I wasn't going to go at all. So that's what I did. I found a meeting location (not close to my house because Heaven forbid I see someone I knew - they would know I was fat!) and secretly drove myself.

 For the first 3 weeks no one knew what I was doing on Monday nights. Each week I would tell R that I was going to run errands with my Mom. I was so embarrassed that I had allowed myself to get so big. Well, let me tell you... I had FABULOUS motivation and determination -- for the first three weeks. In that time I lost the first 9.5 pounds I needed to get back to the 0 of the current ten's group I was in. Then it stopped. I would lose a pound here, gain an pound (or two) there, lose .8.... but nothing significant enough for me to see any more change. And that's where I've been ever since.

 I'm stuck.

 A new school year has started and I have not reached my goal. I didn't necessarily need to be at my ultimate goal by the start of school, but I wanted to have lost enough weight for others to see the progress.... nope. Here I sit still the same. Again, I am so disgusted with myself. I need renewed motivation and determination to get these last 7 pounds off. I need to get back into the groove of running and eating well.

 I need motivation.

 I did some research this morning on clean eating and I think we're going to try it (yes, we... R gets to do it as well, by default). I'm nervous, but I need to do this for me. I don't feel good about myself and in turn it's starting to affect the way I carry myself around others. I am self conscious, even around R, my own husband! I need things to change. I want to feel good when I look at myself in the mirror. I follow the blog of a lady who is on her own weight loss journey (you can follow her here).  She is a hilarious person who I would LOVE to meet in person someday.  She has become my motivation.

 Like I said, it's getting real. Sorry if any of this was TMI, but hey, you made the choice to read it. This is my little world and I'm going to document this journey. Go with me, or not, that's up to you. 

More to come......

Still here

Sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Here is a quick run down of what's been going on....

I'll start by back tracking from my last post. Last April I got the change to go to Florida with my in-laws for Spring Break. At the time, Ross was stationed at Camp Blanding in Starke, Florida so he was able to come down to Orlando and spend a few days with us. We had a beautiful hotel room at a newly built resort. We spent a couple days by the pool and a day at Disney World's Magic Kingdom. That was my first trip to Disney and I LOVED it! I felt like a little kid watching Mickey and his friends go by. Mostly, I loved experiencing it with Ross.

On the way back from Florida, I got a phone call from my mom stating that my Grandma Hart wasn't doing well and that she might pass away before I got home. Talk about a long car ride. I knew there was nothing I could do, but being in the car hundreds of miles away from my family was not where I wanted to be when my Grandma passed away. I prayed the whole way home that Grandma's passing would be peaceful and quick. Thankfully, I was able to get home before my Grandma passed away. Like I said, there was nothing I could do, but I just wanted to be in the comfort of home when it happened. Thankfully, Grandma is in Heaven now where she can look down and know exactly who we are.

Summer was a whirlwind of fun with friends, days at the lake, and vacation. I was fortunate enough to be invited back to South Carolina to vacation with my Uncle, Aunt, and Cousins. It was a week full of gorgeous weather, good food, and wonderful memories. We went dress shopping for Allison's wedding and attended an engagement party for Brad and Allison. I am blessed to have gotten to be apart of those festivities.

August brought the start of school and Ross being in the same state as me again! WHOO HOO!! He is currently working in Indianapolis until the end of October. Since he has been down there we have gotten to spend about every other weekend together doing fun things. We went to the Indy Zoo one weekend, a pre-season Colts game that same weekend, and a regular season Colts game this past weekend. Life as a Colts fan is tough right now with Peyton Manning out, but we're sticking by our team.

That brings me to September - I'm currently in my 6th week of school and things are going well. The transition to two different schools has been tough, I won't lie, but it's been good. I am meeting some wonderful new friends and building my confidence with these new students.

Stay tuned, I will have a big post in a couple weeks..... no, I'm NOT pregnant.

Until then.....

365 days later....

Today, May 4th, marks one year since Ross left. In some ways this has been a quick year, but in others, it has slowly crept by as if mocking me for the time that has passed. I have had many good days, and many bad days, but regardless, I have survived.

365 days ago, I wasn't sure I would ever get to this point and to be completely truthful, I wouldn't have without my amazing family and incredible friends! When Ross first left, my friends were great about keeping me busy and my mind occupied. Now, the things we did then are weekly regular activities. When we don't do them, it feels like an "off" day. They truly are amazing people and I am incredibly blessed!!

Here's to being on the downward slope!!!!!!

You Have A Little Mud On Your Face....

This picture was taken, then given to Ross. He took a picture of it with his phone and emailed it to me. Now, I'm sharing it with all of you. Can you tell he means business??

Request

I have a prayer request.

I have an awesome friend who was just diagnosed with Lymphoma. She refers to it as her "new friend, Lymphoma." She goes to the oncologist next week to learn more about what stage she's in and to determine a plan of attack to eradicate this so-called "friend" of hers. She is the awesome mother of two beautiful children and a wife, as well as an outstanding school counselor. Please pray for her as she begins this journey she did not sign up to take. Her faith is incredible and she has a whole team of people praying for her -- but a few more wouldn't hurt.

He's Bigger Than Me

God is...

...all powerful.

...forgiving.

...loyal.

...benevolent.

...faithful.

...ever present.

...almighty.

...dedicated.

...compassionate.

...lasting.

...sincere.

...omnipotent.

...patient.

...gracious.

...bigger than me... and I am SO thankful!